


Love (not) at First Sight

by Hasegawa



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom, X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Genre: Attraction, Charles' angst, Goofy Charles, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mutant School, One-Sided Attraction, Yearning, angst and lots of it, learn to love, pinning, slow built
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 04:08:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hasegawa/pseuds/Hasegawa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is no such thing as love at the first sight. </p><p>Charles learned to love Erik, with consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love (not) at First Sight

There is no such thing as love at the first sight.

 

It is just illogical. The first time people meet, it was attraction or lust, not love. Love is gotten by learning. Learning to love is the basis of relationship. Jumping into relationship because you think you fell in love from the first sight is like jumping into the deep sea because you think it looks pretty. Jumping into relationship without the commitment to learn how to love would end the relationship into bitter, meaningless and just bad relationship.

 

It was what small Charles Xavier saw when he observed the relationship between his mother and Kurt Marko. Sharon fell in love too quickly, thinking that the handsome friend of her dead husband looked as good as Brian Xavier was. And she jumped into his arms, offering the Xavier family wealth with her.

 

Charles watched in horror because he could hear the stark contrast between his mother’s thought and Kurt’s. Kurt was in love with money, not Sharon.

 

That was why he stopped himself from jumping into conclusion when he found himself dived into the water and saved the mutant—Erik Lenhsherr. He stopped himself from thinking too much—it was nothing, nothing more than saving a fellow mutant, an interesting mutant being. He helped Erik dried his hair, which actually was not really needed since the man’s hair is shorter than Charles’. It felt good to ruffle the man’s hair and mind, even with the murderous intent rang loud in Charles’ head.

 

 

Charles could see the attraction between two of them. or probably just from his side only, but truly, Erik is a magnificent being. A groovy mutant. A grumpy man, but strong like a rock in the middle of the stream. Charles could compose some cheesy lines about Erik’s strong jaw, tight expression and slim body. And that was why he put up with the man’s grumpy attitude, because he knew he was attracted to the man.

 

Aside from that, Charles also felt irritated to death by Erik. The man was, how to put it nicely, so strong headed like a blind bull. Everything is fair to reach his goal; the man didn’t separate between good or bad—everything is bad, and everything is fair to gain his purpose. The man also has the strongest pride Charles has seen in a man and mutant alike—the pride to be different, to be a mutant amongst human.

 

Charles felt attraction. And sometimes, when he was honest to himself, he felt lust as well.

 

Charles doesn’t differentiate women or men. Everybody are beautiful in their own way to him. Probably except Kurt Marco and Cain, for the foul being they were. Probably his mother a bit less beautiful, because of her drinking habit. For Raven to be beautiful but not in that way, because Raven is his most precious sister. But everybody else is fair game. Charles appreciated beauty in their natural forms. All kind. And Erik has everything in huge magnitude. Beauty from the core. The beauty that borne from broken things. Like Japanese broken cup held together by golden threat. Beautiful. Art. Sexy.

 

So when he decided to help Erik, and get himself invited to gather the mutant all around the world, Charles felt natural when he seduced Erik into his bed. Why not? Charles reasoned the journey would be more productive if they could get to know each other better; and what is the best way to get to know each other? Bed, of course. And chess, or talk. Yes, talk helps. But talk turned to arguments most of the time, so Charles preferred bed.

 

Erik was not easily seduced. He has strong mind, so focus on the dilemma and his ambition to kill Shaw that somehow the other parts of his brain worked automatically towards its ultimate goal, ignoring any other things. This rendered him very unsusceptible to seduction or flirting. When Charles used his normal technique (which is just being a goofy retard flirt—he was lucky he has his mother’s good looks), Erik didn’t even realise he was being flirted on. Or when Charles continuously trying to touch Erik with any reason possible, Erik actually touched back for the pure sake of touching; just like school boys where the game title was “I touch you, you touch me, we are fair and square”.

 

So, Charles was frustrated. And frustrated Charles finally snapped when they met a Canadian mutant named Logan in a pub who told them to “go fuck yourself.”

 

Charles pounced, literally, on Erik when they reached the car. He kissed the taller man as hot as he could. When Erik didn’t react, Charles admitted defeat—maybe his lust/attraction was only one sided all this time—and let go. It was then miracle happened, because Erik closed in and kissed Charles back.

 

Well, they fucked happily all night long.

 

 

* * *

 

Then when the trip ended and they found themselves stranded after Armando’s death, Charles ushered all of them into his mansion. The place still looked so majestic and also alone in the middle of acres of land. Charles didn’t like the place. It reminded him too much of his mother and Kurt Marco and the failed relationship they had (including Cain). Only Raven knew what he felt, but she was too busy flirting with Hank to cheer Charles up.

 

So Charles distracted himself from the melancholy and depression by spending more and more time with Erik on the bed. Erik found himself without an assigned room—unlike the rest of the children—but somehow ended up occupying the master bedroom with Charles. Soon, the children called them papa and mama to jest around. Initially it bothered Charles because he was surely not ‘mama’. He was a perfectly healthy male (albeit shorty) with charisma (albeit geeky) and the leadership (albeit too motherly as well). Erik carried the name ‘papa’ with more grace, and sometime Charles sneered at Erik for that. Of course it’s easier to be ‘papa’ because it didn’t challenge Erik’s gender role.

 

But one night, Erik started to talk how he was an actual ‘papa’ to a pair of twin with his ex wife. Charles was truly and honestly surprised—the mutant part of him was shocked because he never read that information from Erik head (proofing how good Erik was in controlling his own mind), and the selfish part of him was ashamed because he thought of himself as the only person whom Erik ever be attracted to. It dampened his mood a bit. Yet he couldn’t afford to dwell in such petty things; and he opted to chuck the information to the back of his head and focused on getting laid that night.

 

And in the morning, when he watched Erik’s sleeping face, Charles felt he might be in love. He has learned about Erik for the past few weeks and he has learned how to love. When Erik woke up with a smile on his face, Charles guessed that there was a high chance Erik has learned to love him as well.

 

How wonderful.

 

Then the fateful day happened. It ended up with Shaw dead and Charles being paralysed from thighs down. When he couldn’t feel his legs and Erik left with Raven, Charles cursed himself for the longest time. He was an idiot. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten the thing he believed in. There was no such thing as love at first sight. Love is learned. And now that Erik left even though he has known Charles for weeks, showed how there was just only attraction and lust between them. Erik has tried to learn to love him and he chose to leave Charles. Erik couldn’t love him. Erik wouldn’t love him. Erik chose to leave him, not love him. Not love.

 

Not… love.

 

 

* * *

 

It took him time to recover from the broken heart. Since he needed to take care of the children and Moira, Charles managed his best to ignore the devastated feeling, instead focusing on the pressing matters at hand. He erased Moira’s memory, returned her to the CIA. He gathered the children inside the mansion, controlling the mind of the locals to conveniently ignore the mansion’s location. He also kept his mind to cover then one mile radius from the mansion, just to make sure that no one is coming to ambush them. Charles sacrificed his sleeping time for it, but it was worth it.

 

His legs were almost completely paralysed. Charles took the children and himself to the hospital, using his power to make sure that the hospital staffs all known them by false name and image. The children were fine since they didn’t injure much. On the other hand, Charles found himself on a wheelchair, with doctor’s verdict of never be able to walk anymore. They gave him some strong pain relief and psychiatrist appointment, of both Charles ignored. He knew he couldn’t walk, and it was sad and inconvenient; yet somehow deep inside him, Charles felt it was his punishment. The reminder of how stupid he was to think that someone could learn to love him. To think that Raven would be always with him. To think that the happiness and fun he abused previous to the whole fiasco would stay forever. Now he woke up to heavy, foreign legs, and it reminded him all the time how proud he was, how foolish he was.

 

Sometimes he has painful spasm, and while he tried his best to hide them; Hank would immediately see through Charles’ mask and offered to massage the legs. Alex and Sean quickly caught up with it, and soon it became one of the chore for the boys to help Charles massaged the unused muscles of his lower limbs. Charles adamantly tried to make them stop it, but it was the only thing they could help him with, to show how they cared of him, and in the end Charles let them be. It became some sort of family time, every night after dinner with the television blazing on, Charles sitting on his wheelchair, Alex or Sean sitting beside him on the floor, massaging the legs; while Hank busy doing his science business.

 

Charles tried his best to make the children felt more comfortable. He tried to calm them down, to ensure they knew that it was not the end of the world when Erik and Raven left. But probably he was trying more to convince himself. Either way, the life in the mansion slowly became normal for them, and soon the boys were agitated for something more. Charles felt pain in his chest when he saw them trying to train themselves—Charles couldn’t train them anymore, and Erik was not there to help them train anymore. It pained him greatly, that putting those emotions behind barriers inside his head became harder day by day. He knew he needed to distract himself from that.

 

So the next step is to use cerebro, to gather more mutant children, to train and educate them. To make them feel not alone or freakish. Charles wished he was not alone when he used cerebro (modified to suit his wheelchair—Alex’s plasma was very useful in fusing those metals—and Charles chanted desperately to not remember how easy that would all be if only Erik was there), as his hand felt lonely without Erik’s bigger hand to hold him. He anchored himself into the mansion, since Erik wasn’t there to be his anchor anymore. Charles managed to touch several near mutants; so he asked Alex and Sean and Hank to fetch the ones that really needed them; while he came by himself to persuade worried parents.

 

Soon, the mansion filled up. Bobby, Pyro, Jane and Ororo. More children getting in, Alex and Sean went to get their degrees, while Hank and Moira and several other older mutants started to become teacher. The mansion slowly changed, from a cold, gloomy mansion of Xavier family’s into a school filled with children voices and laughter, or sometimes crying children as well. It all took Charles away from the feelings he had buried deep inside his head. Slowly, and slowly, he forgot, and the mental barrier he put on it became weaker and weaker.

 

It only took one strike to remember, for the feelings to return with vengeance. They were watching the television, Ororo and Jane both massaging Charles’ legs with care while the others enjoyed the movie with popcorns and cookies and soda. The sudden news stating the birth of Brotherhood, with “Magneto” as their leader stroke Charles right on the head. When he saw the recording of Erik shouting to the masses demanding mutant equality, Charles’ mental barrier crumbled like pastry.

 

Jane was the first to sense his overwhelming emotions, and the girl went to hysterics immediately. While all the others immediately came to her, she couldn’t speak at all, shaking her head, and clamped herself onto Charles’ leg she has been massaging a minute before. It was Hank who first realised how bad Charles has fallen, when he saw Charles’s expression.

 

It was amazing how feelings can be cultivated in so many different ways, into so many different things. People became braver and stronger and more desperate when they have emotions behind their actions. Either out of love, sadness, or desperation. And Charles’ feeling was one of them. The feeling has been suppressed all along, behind strict mental barrier he created. Charles never knew his limit as a telepath, and there are some reasons why Emma Frost called him the strongest telepath in the world. This power kept the feelings Charles didn’t want inside, but when it crumbles, the backlash was hard as hell.

 

Charles experienced the first hand how strong his mental ability was.

 

* * *

 

 

Magneto was expecting some sort of fight from the humans, but he was taken aback when he saw Hank—Beast’s blue form in front of him. Behind him was Sean, looking stern and gloomy.

 

“Magneto… Erik.”

 

Magneto didn’t reply, but he stood on the air, keeping his image as unattainable God. No matter what Beast did, he would fight for mutantkind. It was weird that Charles didn’t come… did he look down on Magneto?

 

“Charles needs you.”

 

The tone made Magneto flinched. “…Why?”

 

Beast growled. “If you ever feel something for the professor, come and help him. You owe this to him, you paralysed him!”

 

“I did not.”

 

“What do you know? You don’t know anything! If only Professor never fell for you, if only he never met you… he wouldn’t be what he is today!”

 

Magneto wouldn’t care, but the Erik within him cared too much. “…Why should I come? Cant he come to me himself?”

 

Beast laughed hollowly. “If only he could.”

 

That picked Magneto’s interest.

 

Beast looked away. “Please. Just… please save the professor.”

 

“Did the human hurt him?”

 

“No, Mag—Erik. No. _You_ hurt him. And now he couldn’t even find himself back.”

 

 

* * *

 

Erik slowly walked towards the room. It gave out the aura of darkness and lost. When he stepped closer, immediately his mind was touched by Charles. Even though he had his helmet on, it felt like Charles was inside his head. The power was suffocating. And Charles didn’t feel like the Charles he felt in his head when they made love—fucked—Erik didn’t know the difference in those. It was desperation, sadness, upset, lost, disappointment, embarrassment; all meshed up into a big giant depression.

 

Erik realised why the room was given a wide berth. Half of the mansion on that side was empty of people. Because no one normal could stand with that feeling. Even Erik, who has colourful childhood with his own trauma and a helmet to keep Charles out of his head, could sense the dread. And Charles was inside, suffering from all of it himself, unable to scream for help, unable to ask for people to help him as well.

 

He opened the door and saw Charles’ broken figure on the bed, pale as death, sagging legs bent in weird directions. Charles looked up and saw Erik, then smiled in the creepiest way.

 

“Erik, my love… you are back home! Back to me!” the man smiled happily, with the creepy expression that rendered it all like the ghost in horror movie.

 

“Charles, please stop this…”

 

“Stop what, my love? I am here, doing nothing!”

 

“Charles…”

 

“Look! I tried to move my legs, but they are bent the other way! Don’t they looked like crab legs now? I heard from the people in town, they think my legs look like ugly crab stick! Isn’t it funny, Erik?”

 

Erik’s shame and guilt hit him so bad.

 

“Erik, Erik, see? This mansion in half empty! People are going away from me! They think I am scary! But not you, my love, you loved me, always, don’t you? You have learned to love me, haven’t you? Come with me here, lie with me. I am yours, darling.”

 

“Charles, please…”

 

“What was it again… oh! You killed Shaw! Do you want to know how he felt when he die? The slow moving coin through his brain—I feel it, everything! I can explain it to you now, all full details! Erik, isn’t it lovely? Would you like to hear it as bedtime story?”

 

“Charles!” Erik shouted as loud as he could, and he grabbed Charles’ shoulder. The man slumped onto him, boneless, but laughing hard. “Charles, come back. Charles… Keep yourself on me. Focus on me. I am back. I am here. I am here… Charles.”

 

“What do you mean… Oh.”

 

Erik opened his helmet and felt first hand the insanity inside Charles’ head for the first time. It was nothing he ever felt before. It was as if something speared into his head. It was like being torn into two. It was like being robbed of your own self and became twenty different people all at the same time. It was black hole with so many masses and voices and emotions and things, heavy and suffocating.

 

And in the middle of it all, Charles was screaming. Crying. Sobbing. Pleading for someone to stay with him, the lonely boy he was.

 

It was then Erik knew everything, memories, from Charles, from Hank, from Alex, from Sean, from the kids, from everybody in large radius around them. It was a mess, and being telepath was not an easy job, let alone being the most powerful telepath in the world. Erik gritted his teeth, trying to overpower the voices inside his head and pulled limp, yet conscious Charles (his mind wouldn’t let him passed out) into his arms.

 

“I am sorry, Charles.” Erik whispered softly, right on Charles’ ear. “I love you too.”

 

 

Erik stayed in the mansion. Nobody commented about it, but everyone was relieved when the depressing ray from Charles slowly dissipated. The professor wasn’t back on his old self yet, but slowly he could contain everything back, anchoring himself on Erik. Erik forwent his helmet for the foreseeable future, letting Charles have the safe place which he could keep himself grounded on.

 

Erik took good care of Charles. He returned the legs into better position and massaged them everytime he felt Charles winced from ghost pain. He fed the man and bathed him too; and slowly Charles felt more like human. Charles finally able to sleep and lost his consciousness; he slept for twelve days straight.

 

When he finally opened his eyes, Charles didn’t say anything but looked straight at Erik. A question formed from Charles to Erik, and Erik felt trapped.

 

“Would you stay now?”

 

He couldn’t answer it, and Charles didn’t push him to answer. When Erik left the next day, Charles slowly killed his first love and focused more on the school, building himself up one mental brick by other mental brick. The depression threatened to come back, but acceptance kicked in. Charles ahs accepted that Erik couldn’t love him, couldn’t stay and wouldn’t be able to learn to love Charles. Waiting and hoping are futile. So instead he focused on the school and other kinds of love towards his children.

 

 

* * *

 

After witnessing Jane went berserk into the Phoenix mode and erased Charles into nothingness, Erik slumped on the floor, regretting everything. If only he stayed, if only he pushed himself to learn to love Charles. If only he was honest to himself. If only. Charles has moved on, and Erik, despite his selfish love for Charles, could see how Charles no longer loved him.

 

Erik couldn’t even come to the funeral because he was not worthy of Charles at all. 

 

      

**Author's Note:**

> END. Thought?


End file.
